Rush Limbaugh wants to buy the Rams, eh? I have a better idea. Since el Rushbo hates Liberals, is a racist, a homophobe, and does not think women like football, I have decided to create a fantasy football team for Limbaugh that will put him in a league of his own. With “talent on loan from God,” Limbaugh can call the shots. It is his money, after all, so let’s help him out here. Oh yeah, the team will be called The Dittophobes.

Center: Hannity gets some autonomy because he likes to direct the efforts of the other members of the Offensive Line. You saw how he tackled Alan Colmes, didn’t you?

Offensive Guard: Glenn Beck is a natural for offense. He likes to block players on either side of the center so he can do an inside running play (from Left to Right), better known as a trap or an outside running play called a sweep.  He’s losing advertisers but Rush will pony-up.

Offensive Tackle: Ann Coulter in drag.

Tight End: Michael Steele in white face.

Wide Receiver: Mark Sanford is speedy at catching those passes and can be counted on with the backfield in motion. He likes to pass long but gets less yardage.

Fullback: Bill Bennett will be positioned in the middle of the field and can use his power more than running. He’s got the build and runs great downfield, though he is slowing down, according to stats. He just needs that open-field before he’s put out to pasture.

Running Back: Joe Wilson, that good ol’ boy from South Carolina, while fast on the outbursts, could cause a delay of game. But he runs directly into that defensive line.

Quarterback: Sarah Palin is positioned to take the snap with winks and golly’s and no one will sack her.

What do you think? I’m sure I’ve missed someone. If you have any suggestions or changes please feel free to add or delete. We can scramble this before Rush bids. Keep in mind that I’m just a woman. What do I know about football— except serving the snacks?

—cher

Changes/additions to line up:

Coach: Jesse Helms, master obstructionist, drafted post-mortum by bluzdude

Assistant Coach: Senator John Ensign of Nevada, also drafted by bluzdude. Ensign loves payola for his mistress, but can use it to help on the public relations side.

Personal Development Coach: Senator Robert Byrd; nominated by Harrison—-for something, so we’ll put him on the team.

Draft Picks: The inimitable John Murtha of PA can do the draft picks. Pick up the phone in the lobby, John— or keep your lobbyists in the pocket. Murtha added by Harrison.